This is me, after him

With the big 30 nearly a month away, I’ve thinking about all I have accomplished, all I want to accomplish and the things that I began but have yet to complete. I’ve reflected on who I am and who I want to become. I’ve looked through old journals and seen old goals and dreams and wondered why I never accomplished them. And the more journals I began to look through I realized that the same five or so goals/dreams have continued to show up. And I was left to wonder, “What in the 10 or so years since has stopped me from accomplishing them?”

My initial thought was to blame everyone else. What my mother and father did or did not do. How my life circumstances were different from everyone else’s. How having a child put everything on hold. I began to have a bonafied pity party. I was mad at everyone else for standing in my way. After the anger subsided, reality sunk in. The only thing between me and my goals was….ME! I’ve doubted myself, not trusted myself and blamed myself out of accomplishing the things most important to me.

However, it occurred to me as I took a closer look at my goals and dreams that in the past two years I had accomplished many of the things that had been “sitting” there for the past 10 years. I wondered why. What in my life has changed in the past two years that freed me to follow my dreams? And then it hit me…the birth of my son. “…The birth of my son gave me the courage to live my life…” –Maya Angelou

He did it, he freed me. Looking into his eyes I knew that there was no way I would be able to tell him to follow his dreams, live life with integrity, work hard even if no one is looking if I weren’t doing the same. Knowing that I would have to be accountable to him later on, made me accountable to me, NOW. Knowing that leading by example would be my most powerful tool made me a better person.

So, I write this to say thank you baby J. Thank you for giving me the jumpstart I needed. This is me, after you.
Xo,
Leslye