Where I am From
I am from 3497 Ewald Circle
From Motown…the Motor City
I am from Faygo, Vernors, and pop.
I am from collards, fried bologna, dressing and potato salad.
I am from long trips down South each June so my brother and I could stay for the summer.
I am from my Madear’s farm and the red dirt.
I am from, “When the lights come on, you betta get in this house!”
I am from breast cancer affecting my family so severely that I dare not say the words aloud.
I am from, “Girl, get your education, no one can take it away from you.”
I am from Rodney’s proud stare and Linda’s loving look.
I am from sitting in the kitchen for hours on Sunday night so that my curls won’t make a debut at school on Monday.
I am from, “You can’t play with them…they don’t see your beauty.”
I am from Sunday school, four hour services and then a night service.
I am from love.
-Leslye Folmar
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
This is me, after him
With the big 30 nearly a month away, I’ve thinking about all I have accomplished, all I want to accomplish and the things that I began but have yet to complete. I’ve reflected on who I am and who I want to become. I’ve looked through old journals and seen old goals and dreams and wondered why I never accomplished them. And the more journals I began to look through I realized that the same five or so goals/dreams have continued to show up. And I was left to wonder, “What in the 10 or so years since has stopped me from accomplishing them?”
My initial thought was to blame everyone else. What my mother and father did or did not do. How my life circumstances were different from everyone else’s. How having a child put everything on hold. I began to have a bonafied pity party. I was mad at everyone else for standing in my way. After the anger subsided, reality sunk in. The only thing between me and my goals was….ME! I’ve doubted myself, not trusted myself and blamed myself out of accomplishing the things most important to me.
However, it occurred to me as I took a closer look at my goals and dreams that in the past two years I had accomplished many of the things that had been “sitting” there for the past 10 years. I wondered why. What in my life has changed in the past two years that freed me to follow my dreams? And then it hit me…the birth of my son. “…The birth of my son gave me the courage to live my life…” –Maya Angelou
He did it, he freed me. Looking into his eyes I knew that there was no way I would be able to tell him to follow his dreams, live life with integrity, work hard even if no one is looking if I weren’t doing the same. Knowing that I would have to be accountable to him later on, made me accountable to me, NOW. Knowing that leading by example would be my most powerful tool made me a better person.
So, I write this to say thank you baby J. Thank you for giving me the jumpstart I needed. This is me, after you.
Xo,
Leslye
My initial thought was to blame everyone else. What my mother and father did or did not do. How my life circumstances were different from everyone else’s. How having a child put everything on hold. I began to have a bonafied pity party. I was mad at everyone else for standing in my way. After the anger subsided, reality sunk in. The only thing between me and my goals was….ME! I’ve doubted myself, not trusted myself and blamed myself out of accomplishing the things most important to me.
However, it occurred to me as I took a closer look at my goals and dreams that in the past two years I had accomplished many of the things that had been “sitting” there for the past 10 years. I wondered why. What in my life has changed in the past two years that freed me to follow my dreams? And then it hit me…the birth of my son. “…The birth of my son gave me the courage to live my life…” –Maya Angelou
He did it, he freed me. Looking into his eyes I knew that there was no way I would be able to tell him to follow his dreams, live life with integrity, work hard even if no one is looking if I weren’t doing the same. Knowing that I would have to be accountable to him later on, made me accountable to me, NOW. Knowing that leading by example would be my most powerful tool made me a better person.
So, I write this to say thank you baby J. Thank you for giving me the jumpstart I needed. This is me, after you.
Xo,
Leslye
Monday, June 6, 2011
Maya Angelou
I need her to know…
(An ode to Maya Angelou)
I need her to know that she is a motivation, a guiding light and my moral compass
I need her to know that when I hear her voice I get chills. Not the chills that show up when my mother used to say she was going to tell my father of some wrong doing done while he was at work, but the kind of chills created when you find out that your grandma knows that you were being “fresh” with the boys after church. The chill her voice induces is different. I want to make her happy
I need her know how beautifully inspired I am by her words. I need to somehow let her know that her story and mine are intertwined. That I’ve been there and at times I go back because the darkness takes over, but her words, voice, spirit and strength are my light
I need her to know that when she passes her baton that she can trust me to catch it. She needs to know that I will take it firmly and run with courage, strength, determination and conviction
I need her to know that I will strive in the most humble way to be for another brown girl what she is to me
-Leslye Folmar
(An ode to Maya Angelou)
I need her to know that she is a motivation, a guiding light and my moral compass
I need her to know that when I hear her voice I get chills. Not the chills that show up when my mother used to say she was going to tell my father of some wrong doing done while he was at work, but the kind of chills created when you find out that your grandma knows that you were being “fresh” with the boys after church. The chill her voice induces is different. I want to make her happy
I need her know how beautifully inspired I am by her words. I need to somehow let her know that her story and mine are intertwined. That I’ve been there and at times I go back because the darkness takes over, but her words, voice, spirit and strength are my light
I need her to know that when she passes her baton that she can trust me to catch it. She needs to know that I will take it firmly and run with courage, strength, determination and conviction
I need her to know that I will strive in the most humble way to be for another brown girl what she is to me
-Leslye Folmar
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Time
I decided I want to go back to a simpler time…a time when you had to call people to check on them. A time when you only knew what people were doing if you were really their friend? A time when you didn’t have to document every single moment of your life in order to make others believe that your life was somehow better than theirs. I want to go back a time when email, text messaging were the norm and a blog was the icing on the cake. I want to a go back in time, before Facebook, Twitter, and whatever other social media mediums people use.
Maybe it’s just me but I found myself spending way too much time on Twitter and Facebook. I found myself wondering, “If I don’t tweet it, did it really happen?” I found myself, not only updating my Facebook status but constantly checking the status’ of others…not just of friends but of people that I don’t especially care for. Essentially, I found myself wasting time.
And so, with the realization that I was wasting time, I decided to delete both my Facebook and Twitter accounts, in an attempt to live life, not just tweet it. And ya’ know what, I’ve actually gained a few extra moments in my day. I am not a slave to my phone anymore (I had the Twitter and Facebook app on my phone), I make it a point to call people or at the very least pick up the phone when they call and I have more time to exercise. I know this seems crazy, deleting two social networking accounts can’t possibly free up so much time…Well the reality is, it can. Think about it…all of the time you spend updating accounts, cyber stalking, thinking of something crafty to type…those are valuable minutes of your life that you will never get back.
Wish me luck in my crazy, slightly social media free journey!
Maybe it’s just me but I found myself spending way too much time on Twitter and Facebook. I found myself wondering, “If I don’t tweet it, did it really happen?” I found myself, not only updating my Facebook status but constantly checking the status’ of others…not just of friends but of people that I don’t especially care for. Essentially, I found myself wasting time.
And so, with the realization that I was wasting time, I decided to delete both my Facebook and Twitter accounts, in an attempt to live life, not just tweet it. And ya’ know what, I’ve actually gained a few extra moments in my day. I am not a slave to my phone anymore (I had the Twitter and Facebook app on my phone), I make it a point to call people or at the very least pick up the phone when they call and I have more time to exercise. I know this seems crazy, deleting two social networking accounts can’t possibly free up so much time…Well the reality is, it can. Think about it…all of the time you spend updating accounts, cyber stalking, thinking of something crafty to type…those are valuable minutes of your life that you will never get back.
Wish me luck in my crazy, slightly social media free journey!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Judgement
So last week Baby J and I went on a play date with a friend of mine and her son. I was so excited to catch up, allow our children to play and just spend time with someone who gets what I am going through on a daily basis. As I drove over I kept glancing at Baby J in the back while carefully applying mascara at stop lights; I couldn't’t let my friend see me in full mommy mode.
I walked into her house, expecting to give my dear friend a great big hug…however, something stopped me in my tracks. It wasn’t the fact that she lost all of her baby weight and then some, or the fact that her hair flowed like she had a personal wind machine, it was how NASTY her house was. Let me explain what I mean; dirty and clean clothes everywhere, crumbs on everything, every toy was taken out and placed in the most inconvenient places. The dishes flowed from the sink and into the dishwasher, the garbage cans were over flowing and there was a stench. I couldn't’t believe it! How could she live like this? This is not the person I remember! I didn’t even want to put Baby J down for fear that he would “contract” something!
I kept the visit short, however while there I made mental notes of everything that grossed me out ( I also took pictures as evidence). I thought,” How could a mother allow her children live in this filth?” and beyond that, “How could my life long friend live in this filth?” On the ride home I called my fiance, mom and anyone else who would listen to me tell them how disgusting her house was. I felt so much better telling ( and showing) people how disgusting her house was, it even put a little simile on my face. The thought that I was keeping a cleaner house than another mom my age and in a similar situation made me feel victorious.
However, as days passed and life continued, I began to see that my once neat home wasn’t so neat anymore. Baby J’s crib looked liked a war zone, his toys needed to be disinfected, organized and put away. My kitchen floor, typically white was more of an oatmeal and there was a strange smell coming from the bathroom. As I put Baby J in his car seat, I saw that there was crusted banana on the buckle and a rotten grape stuck between the car seat and his head rest. However, in an attempt to not be late to work I turned a blind eye to the banana and rotten grape. And as we drove off I realized that the very thing I judged my friend for was happening to me. The thought that I judged my friend for something so minuscule brought tears to my eyes.
In that moment I decided to stop all judgement (that I am aware of) and allow people to be who they are. Don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect and there will be times I look at a screaming kid in the grocery store and wonder why their mom hasn’t taken them out. But I have grown and learned that people do the best they can with what they have…
I walked into her house, expecting to give my dear friend a great big hug…however, something stopped me in my tracks. It wasn’t the fact that she lost all of her baby weight and then some, or the fact that her hair flowed like she had a personal wind machine, it was how NASTY her house was. Let me explain what I mean; dirty and clean clothes everywhere, crumbs on everything, every toy was taken out and placed in the most inconvenient places. The dishes flowed from the sink and into the dishwasher, the garbage cans were over flowing and there was a stench. I couldn't’t believe it! How could she live like this? This is not the person I remember! I didn’t even want to put Baby J down for fear that he would “contract” something!
I kept the visit short, however while there I made mental notes of everything that grossed me out ( I also took pictures as evidence). I thought,” How could a mother allow her children live in this filth?” and beyond that, “How could my life long friend live in this filth?” On the ride home I called my fiance, mom and anyone else who would listen to me tell them how disgusting her house was. I felt so much better telling ( and showing) people how disgusting her house was, it even put a little simile on my face. The thought that I was keeping a cleaner house than another mom my age and in a similar situation made me feel victorious.
However, as days passed and life continued, I began to see that my once neat home wasn’t so neat anymore. Baby J’s crib looked liked a war zone, his toys needed to be disinfected, organized and put away. My kitchen floor, typically white was more of an oatmeal and there was a strange smell coming from the bathroom. As I put Baby J in his car seat, I saw that there was crusted banana on the buckle and a rotten grape stuck between the car seat and his head rest. However, in an attempt to not be late to work I turned a blind eye to the banana and rotten grape. And as we drove off I realized that the very thing I judged my friend for was happening to me. The thought that I judged my friend for something so minuscule brought tears to my eyes.
In that moment I decided to stop all judgement (that I am aware of) and allow people to be who they are. Don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect and there will be times I look at a screaming kid in the grocery store and wonder why their mom hasn’t taken them out. But I have grown and learned that people do the best they can with what they have…
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Happy!
Right now, in this very moment I am grateful and happy! Today right here and now I choose to look at the good and smile
Just a few things that put a smile on my face:
My wonderful fiancé who makes me a better person just by being who he is
My son whose smile makes me tear up just thinking about it
My wonderful mother who at times makes me crazy but she is my best friend and my biggest supporter
My career that I actually love
My gym membership for just $10 a month.
My core group of friends that love and accept me for all that I am and all that I am not
My car
My relationship with God that continues to grow and flourish
My really supportive family
My wonderful apartment
My cool little brother
My rockin’ big sister
My dope Dad
My iPhone
My cool nephews I don’t get to see enough
My guardian angels (Madear and Barbara)
Books
The library
Starbucks
Gift cards
All of the possibilities…
Just a few things that put a smile on my face:
My wonderful fiancé who makes me a better person just by being who he is
My son whose smile makes me tear up just thinking about it
My wonderful mother who at times makes me crazy but she is my best friend and my biggest supporter
My career that I actually love
My gym membership for just $10 a month.
My core group of friends that love and accept me for all that I am and all that I am not
My car
My relationship with God that continues to grow and flourish
My really supportive family
My wonderful apartment
My cool little brother
My rockin’ big sister
My dope Dad
My iPhone
My cool nephews I don’t get to see enough
My guardian angels (Madear and Barbara)
Books
The library
Starbucks
Gift cards
All of the possibilities…
Friday, January 1, 2010
Daycare
Hello all…
I come in peace
Happy New Year and all that good stuff…while I could go on forever with tons of well wishes, the real reason for the post is much heavier…
Baby J starts daycare on Monday and I can’t believe it!!! Prior to enrolling him in daycare, my fiancé and I came up with a pro’s and con’s list:
Pros:
He will be stimulated
He will get to make friends
He will build his social skills
I can stay at work a little later knowing that daycare is open until 6
He will be put on a schedule
It will force me to set up and keep a schedule
Cons:
I will have to wake him up at 6am so that we can start getting ready
I will actually have to plan our outfits out the night before so that I am not late to work
I may be late to work
I can’t call a million times a day like I did when his grandmother was watching him
He might miss me
I may get stuck in traffic
I will miss him
He may be over stimulated and never nap
If he is sick I will have to take off of work
As you can see by our list there are more con’s than pro’s, which would mean that I shouldn’t send him to daycare, but most (all) of the con’s are things that I have to deal with. I know he will be safe…the minute I walked into the center I felt safe and knew that it was the right place for him and more importantly, for me.
Wish Baby J (me) luck on his first day of daycare
I come in peace
Happy New Year and all that good stuff…while I could go on forever with tons of well wishes, the real reason for the post is much heavier…
Baby J starts daycare on Monday and I can’t believe it!!! Prior to enrolling him in daycare, my fiancé and I came up with a pro’s and con’s list:
Pros:
He will be stimulated
He will get to make friends
He will build his social skills
I can stay at work a little later knowing that daycare is open until 6
He will be put on a schedule
It will force me to set up and keep a schedule
Cons:
I will have to wake him up at 6am so that we can start getting ready
I will actually have to plan our outfits out the night before so that I am not late to work
I may be late to work
I can’t call a million times a day like I did when his grandmother was watching him
He might miss me
I may get stuck in traffic
I will miss him
He may be over stimulated and never nap
If he is sick I will have to take off of work
As you can see by our list there are more con’s than pro’s, which would mean that I shouldn’t send him to daycare, but most (all) of the con’s are things that I have to deal with. I know he will be safe…the minute I walked into the center I felt safe and knew that it was the right place for him and more importantly, for me.
Wish Baby J (me) luck on his first day of daycare
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