So last week Baby J and I went on a play date with a friend of mine and her son. I was so excited to catch up, allow our children to play and just spend time with someone who gets what I am going through on a daily basis. As I drove over I kept glancing at Baby J in the back while carefully applying mascara at stop lights; I couldn't’t let my friend see me in full mommy mode.
I walked into her house, expecting to give my dear friend a great big hug…however, something stopped me in my tracks. It wasn’t the fact that she lost all of her baby weight and then some, or the fact that her hair flowed like she had a personal wind machine, it was how NASTY her house was. Let me explain what I mean; dirty and clean clothes everywhere, crumbs on everything, every toy was taken out and placed in the most inconvenient places. The dishes flowed from the sink and into the dishwasher, the garbage cans were over flowing and there was a stench. I couldn't’t believe it! How could she live like this? This is not the person I remember! I didn’t even want to put Baby J down for fear that he would “contract” something!
I kept the visit short, however while there I made mental notes of everything that grossed me out ( I also took pictures as evidence). I thought,” How could a mother allow her children live in this filth?” and beyond that, “How could my life long friend live in this filth?” On the ride home I called my fiance, mom and anyone else who would listen to me tell them how disgusting her house was. I felt so much better telling ( and showing) people how disgusting her house was, it even put a little simile on my face. The thought that I was keeping a cleaner house than another mom my age and in a similar situation made me feel victorious.
However, as days passed and life continued, I began to see that my once neat home wasn’t so neat anymore. Baby J’s crib looked liked a war zone, his toys needed to be disinfected, organized and put away. My kitchen floor, typically white was more of an oatmeal and there was a strange smell coming from the bathroom. As I put Baby J in his car seat, I saw that there was crusted banana on the buckle and a rotten grape stuck between the car seat and his head rest. However, in an attempt to not be late to work I turned a blind eye to the banana and rotten grape. And as we drove off I realized that the very thing I judged my friend for was happening to me. The thought that I judged my friend for something so minuscule brought tears to my eyes.
In that moment I decided to stop all judgement (that I am aware of) and allow people to be who they are. Don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect and there will be times I look at a screaming kid in the grocery store and wonder why their mom hasn’t taken them out. But I have grown and learned that people do the best they can with what they have…
